the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
