whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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