I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
