apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
