we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
