Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
