haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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