i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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