It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
