I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
