everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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