Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Green mimosas i think yes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
