At least make sure they are 18
Why
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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