I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
