Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
