I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
