I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she looked like the before picture.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
