I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
