my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
