ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dignity is for republicans.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
