I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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