my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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