Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
