After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
