Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
