I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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