Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
