The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
