I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
