Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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