i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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