i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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