So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Drake has all the answers
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
