I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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