All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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