So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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