I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
