who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
