Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
