Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
