wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
