you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
