we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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