You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
