i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
