Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
