Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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