She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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