i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
