we have officially lost it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
