I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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