My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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