I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is wine microwaveable?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
